Why I Don’t Want Kids: #BehindtheBlogger

As I get closer to approaching my 30th birthday, more and more people keep asking me, “When are you going to have kids?” 

  
I absolutely hate this question for many reasons. First of all, it’s invasive. They are usually acquaintances who don’t know my story, so they don’t know if I do or don’t want them. Second of all, it assumes that my life is somehow incomplete because I don’t have kids. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

I have an amazing life. I have the life I have because I don’t have kids. 

Every time I go on vacation, take a spontaneous weekend getaway, go out with my girlfriends or spend money on myself with a luxury purchase, I’m reminded of how much I’m blessed to have the life I do have. In many ways, I have this life because I don’t have kids. While I do have plenty of friends who have kids and still get to do the things I do, personally if I had children, there’s a good chance I’d have to choose between giving to them and giving to myself. I enjoy spending money on myself. I enjoy not having to worry about getting a babysitter for a night out. I enjoy being able to book a last minute out-of-town race because I don’t have anyone else I need to worry about. My life is great the way it is- and I have no desire to change that. 

  
Regret isn’t a compelling enough reason to have kids. 

One thing I hear all too frequently is, “You’ll regret not having them.” This statement also annoys me because who are these people to assume that they know how I will feel in a decade or so? Everyone has different passions in life. My passion is running and racing currently, and it may be something different in the future. One thing is for certain though: the chance that I’d regret not making a decision is not enough of a compelling reason for me to make that decision. I don’t live my life by the “what ifs.” 

Oprah said once, “If I had kids, my kids would hate me…because something in my life would have had to suffer and it probably would have been them.” 

I agree 100% with her statement. Some people have other priorities that don’t include having children and living in a little white picket fence house. I’m one of those people. In fact, if I could be nomadic my entire life and just spend my money on traveling and pursuing my passions, I would. I see no reason to settle down and live what I consider to be a boring life. My mom gave up her dreams for us- and while that’s a very noble and selfless thing to do, I’m not that person. My dreams come first. 

“When I see children, I feel nothing. I have no maternal instinct. I ovulate sand.” – Margaret Cho 

Another quote that I absolutely love. This is exactly how I feel about kids. I honestly think I am missing that maternal gene that other women seem to have. Kids annoy me 99% of the time. They cry or fuss and I honestly wish they would shut up. Some people say this makes me hard hearted- but I don’t feel that way. I just don’t have the same feelings that many women have when it comes to being nurturing and protective. This is why I like cats: they want your attention for about five minutes and then they go entertain themselves. Problem solved. 

  
I want to have kids when there’s nothing I want more…

Because it’s true. If I were to ever have kids, I’d want it to be because I wanted them more than anything. Kids are a lifelong commitment. It’s not like you can get “buyers remorse” and change your mind when you’re tired of them. You have to be there for them 24/7. I don’t want that in my life. I’m not ready to make that lifelong commitment. And while some people don’t understand that, it is perfectly understandable to me. 

  
If you were to ask me what I stood for, I’d say I stood for the right for women to choose how to live their own lives. For too many years, society has dictated what a woman should do, how she should act, and the way she should live her life. That is and needs to continue to change. Stand for something- stand for the right to do what you want with your life. Because it is your life- and no one else’s. 

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16 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Want Kids: #BehindtheBlogger”

  1. Ugh, I get this question a lot still and I’m approaching 40. I actually love other people’s kids. They’re a lot of fun. But that is in no way the same as having kids of my own. I don’t have the energy or patience and I feel like it would drive my anxiety through the roof. When I think about having kids of my own, it is the negatives that dominate the list and I think it would be the opposite for anyone who wants kids.
    Chaitali recently posted…Weekly ReviewMy Profile

    1. I absolutely feel the same! I don’t want the risk of regret to drive my actions because people who live their lives that way usually aren’t happy. I’m ok with other people’s kids but I want to be able to give them back and not deal with the stress and issues. I just wish everyone else would stop trying to pressure me into it! Lol.

  2. I resonate with every single thing in this post. I’ve literally had a post in my drafts for my blog about this for 2 years but am too chicken to post it.

    My husband and I love to travel, love to race and love the freedom in our life. Right now kids are a definite no. Will we change our mind, maybe but also maybe not.

    That quote about it not being a personal attack on your choices couldn’t be more true. I feel like mothers get offended when I list the reasons I may not want kids because they think I’m judging their life, I’m not. But them coming back and saying that I will regret it or what about when I’m older, who will take care of me can be seen as an attack on my choices too. We need to stop attacking each other and just accept that it’s okay to have kids or not – it just depends on the person.

    If a person wants kids it should be for the right reasons not because it’s an expectation from society. Living for the what if is not living because I think there’s just as great of possibility that I have the kids and live for the what if I didn’t.

    1. Exactly what you said at the end Jen. There’s the equal possibility that I could have them and regret having them. I’m so happy with my ability to live the life I want right now- for all the reasons you mentioned- travel, races, freedom. I don’t want anyone to feel I’m judging them, but I feel they are judging me when they get so personal with me, especially when they barely know me. My life, my choice. Period.

  3. Montana I agree with you 100%. I have been very clear my entire life that I will not be having children and for the most part everyone understands. I love traveling and being sporadic. It’s hard enough having a cat I could only imagine children. Keep doing you!

    1. Ha! A cat is the perfect pet! It’s like “come here and pet me now go away.” I would love to have a cat but that’s as far as I want to go.

  4. I totally agree with these. Maybe I’ll change my mind, sure. If I do, okay. But I don’t need to hear it from smug acquaintances who seem to think they can see my future.

    I’m stressed enough about my time management, money situations, and work without adding kids on top of it. “Oh, it’s worth it!” they say. Sure…But why add stress just because it’ll be “worth it” in the long run, especially when being NOT stressed is totally worth it ALWAYS?
    Ali @ Hit the Ground Running recently posted…Dear Self: Remember this feelingMy Profile

    1. Very much this. I hate when people tell me it’s worth it. And I hear it all the time. Yes, I’m sure your kids are wonderful. But that doesn’t mean I think it’s “worth it” to have them in my life. I like to play with them and return them.

  5. I’m totally with you (as you well know, haha)–I love my life the way it is (most of the time, because med school), without kids, and there’s no way I could live the way I’m currently living if I had them. I already feel guilty enough about not having any time to spend with family/friends–imagine if I threw kids into the mess. o_o Hell to the no. I totally identify with what Oprah and Margaret said as well, haha. I’m missing that maternal gene as well. I love cats way more. This is totally a stand I would take as well! :]! Too bad I wrote about it already! šŸ˜›
    Farrah recently posted…Day in the Life: Pediatric NeurosurgeryMy Profile

    1. Lol this was actually sparked because I had a bunch of nosy coworkers asking me the other day! I didn’t think much about what I’d write until that moment. Then I was like I hate when people interfere! Hence, blog post was born. šŸ˜œ

  6. I’m totally with you girlfriend. There’s no way I’d have kids except I just did and it’s really not that bad! But I did just cancel 2 weeks into training because I simply didn’t have time and funds are needing a little adjusting. Things are still possible but require a lot more planning which requires longer showers to drown out the distracting noises with running water and fans but overall I’d say you might have a point.

    1. I know many people are able to have awesome lives with kids. I just don’t have the patience or energy to deal with them lol.

      1. I get it. It’s funny how precious just a few minutes of silence become. It really realigns your focus but so far no regrets just a lot of long-term changes to cope with. Usually skip over your more personal posts but this one grabbed my attention. I’m still enjoying your race reviews and perspectives btw. Wish there were more blogs like this one.

        1. Thanks! I occasionally change things up with the personal posts. Race reviews will be on a temporary hiatus until race season starts again in fall. Hopefully I can find enough other stuff to write about this summer! šŸ˜‰

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