As I get closer to approaching my 30th birthday, more and more people keep asking me, “When are you going to have kids?”
I absolutely hate this question for many reasons. First of all, it’s invasive. They are usually acquaintances who don’t know my story, so they don’t know if I do or don’t want them. Second of all, it assumes that my life is somehow incomplete because I don’t have kids. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I have an amazing life. I have the life I have because I don’t have kids.
Every time I go on vacation, take a spontaneous weekend getaway, go out with my girlfriends or spend money on myself with a luxury purchase, I’m reminded of how much I’m blessed to have the life I do have. In many ways, I have this life because I don’t have kids. While I do have plenty of friends who have kids and still get to do the things I do, personally if I had children, there’s a good chance I’d have to choose between giving to them and giving to myself. I enjoy spending money on myself. I enjoy not having to worry about getting a babysitter for a night out. I enjoy being able to book a last minute out-of-town race because I don’t have anyone else I need to worry about. My life is great the way it is- and I have no desire to change that.
One thing I hear all too frequently is, “You’ll regret not having them.” This statement also annoys me because who are these people to assume that they know how I will feel in a decade or so? Everyone has different passions in life. My passion is running and racing currently, and it may be something different in the future. One thing is for certain though: the chance that I’d regret not making a decision is not enough of a compelling reason for me to make that decision. I don’t live my life by the “what ifs.”
Oprah said once, “If I had kids, my kids would hate me…because something in my life would have had to suffer and it probably would have been them.”
I agree 100% with her statement. Some people have other priorities that don’t include having children and living in a little white picket fence house. I’m one of those people. In fact, if I could be nomadic my entire life and just spend my money on traveling and pursuing my passions, I would. I see no reason to settle down and live what I consider to be a boring life. My mom gave up her dreams for us- and while that’s a very noble and selfless thing to do, I’m not that person. My dreams come first.
“When I see children, I feel nothing. I have no maternal instinct. I ovulate sand.” – Margaret Cho
Another quote that I absolutely love. This is exactly how I feel about kids. I honestly think I am missing that maternal gene that other women seem to have. Kids annoy me 99% of the time. They cry or fuss and I honestly wish they would shut up. Some people say this makes me hard hearted- but I don’t feel that way. I just don’t have the same feelings that many women have when it comes to being nurturing and protective. This is why I like cats: they want your attention for about five minutes and then they go entertain themselves. Problem solved.
Because it’s true. If I were to ever have kids, I’d want it to be because I wanted them more than anything. Kids are a lifelong commitment. It’s not like you can get “buyers remorse” and change your mind when you’re tired of them. You have to be there for them 24/7. I don’t want that in my life. I’m not ready to make that lifelong commitment. And while some people don’t understand that, it is perfectly understandable to me.
If you were to ask me what I stood for, I’d say I stood for the right for women to choose how to live their own lives. For too many years, society has dictated what a woman should do, how she should act, and the way she should live her life. That is and needs to continue to change. Stand for something- stand for the right to do what you want with your life. Because it is your life- and no one else’s.
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